Am I in an abusive relationship?
In a Healthy Relationship you should:
- Feel respected, supported, trusted and safe
- Feel good about yourself
- Be able to negotiate, compromise and communicate honestly
- Be free to pursue the life you desire ie work, hobbies, spirituality, relationships
- Be treated as an equal and be able to act as an equal
- Be able to say No
DFV Red Flags – behaviors to look out for
- Putting you down or embarrassing you
- Acting in ways that scare you
- Looking at you in ways that scare you
- Withholding or taking money from you
- Controlling who you see, what you do and or where you go
- Controlling what you wear
- Controlling your access to transport
- Controlling what and when you eat
- Controlling how or when you use your phone or social media
- Making you ask permission to do things
- Pressuring you to drink or take drugs
- Discouraging you from spending time with friends and family
- Pressuring you for commitment
- Policing the times you arrive and leave
- Preventing you from work or school
- Negatively commenting on your parenting ability
- Threatening you or your children
- Blaming you for their behavior or things that have gone wrong
- Intimidating you, physically or verbally
- Breaking, hitting or throwing things to try to scare you
- Cruel or disrespectful towards animals or children
- Threatening self-harm over something you have done
- Pressuring you into sex or sex acts you are not comfortable with
- Threatening to hurt or kill you
- Hitting, slapping, choking or physically assaulting you in any way
Or from the Lokahi Foundation (https://lokahi.org.au/)
- Are you being pressured for commitment too quickly? Is he getting too serious too hurriedly?
- Does he become angry if you’re late? Always asking where you are and who you were with?
- Are you being accused of cheating? Does he want to be with you constantly and follow you?
- Does he try to control what you wear and consistently wants you to ask permission to do things?
- Do you find yourself being isolated from friends and family? Does he distance you from contacting people? Is he controlling your access to a car? Are you getting in trouble for talking on the phone?
- Are you being made to give up your financial autonomy? Does he control your bank accounts and credit cards?
- Does he stop you from accessing social media? Is he regulating your emails and online activity?
- Does he blame you for anything that goes wrong?
- Are you being made to feel responsible for how he feels? Is he easily insulted and blows things out of proportion?
- Does he have rapid and extreme mood swings?
- Do you find he is cruel or disrespectful to animals or children?
- Does he try to manipulate you into sexual compliance? Is he showing little concern over whether you want to have sex or not?
- Does he break things, beat on tables, throw objects to inspire fear?
- Are you being physically restrained during arguments? Is he using weapons, kicking, hitting, slapping when angry?
Typical excuses for ABUSE
- They were drunk
- He/she was stressed
- I did it to protect you
- I cant help myself
- I had a bad childhood
- I didn’t mean to do it
- You’re wrong
- You need help
- I was having a bad day
- You provoked me/ You made me do it
- It was actually your fault
- It was my fault
- I had a bad day